Within the last month, three of my six kids have had birthdays. It’s a very lean month in our household – topping up RESPs along with throwing a few birthday parties can take its toll on anyone’s budget.

In addition to not liking birthdays’ financial implications, I think birthday parties are a royal pain. I know many party mamas out there who relish in planning extravagant events, particularly their children’s parties. Indeed, I have one friend who says one of the things she loves most about being a mother is throwing birthday parties. That mama is not me. Birthday parties make the bottom of my list of things I love about being a mama. Yes, I like my kids to have fun and enjoy their special day, but all the hoopla around it doesn’t float my boat.

So when I throw a party, it’s all about keeping it simple. I thought it would be fun to compare some of my tips and strategies with those of my friend, Janine who is mama party planner extraordinaire. In September, she is well in planning mode for a January birthday. All the neighbourhood kids have fingers crossed that their name makes the list. In short, Janine generally makes me look like a complete slacker.

The rules according to me, the “Keep It Simple Mom”:

- Have a no birthday present policy.
- Have a no loot bag policy.
- Plan your parties at a time that will ensure you do not have to prepare a meal for little guests.
- Don’t over-engineer the thing – kids are old pros at figuring out how to have fun.
- Sure have a theme, but don’t bother obsessing. You don’t want to have to drive around to 10 different stores just to get the napkins that match the plates.
- Don’t have it in your house. Way too much cleaning is involved then – you’ll end up cleaning before AND after the party.

The rules according to Janine, “Keener Perfectionist Mom”:

- EVERYTHING needs to be matchy matchy – pick a theme and colour scheme and stick with it: invitations, decorations, balloons, utensils, EVERYTHING!
- Make it an event – seal invitations with a stamp monogram and mail them because kids love getting mail.
- Don’t scrimp on the cake – if nothing else is done right, be sure that you have a fabulous cake (which of course corresponds to the party theme!)
- Mind your present etiquette. If opening at party, tape a half circle in front of birthday child, have 2 chairs (one for birthday child, one for gift giver). Read card together and open gift. Take a picture of birthday child with gift and gift giver and send as a “thank you” after the party.

Janine also agrees that the birthday present thing can get a bit much and suggests donations in lieu of gifts, and also checking out www.echoage.com

There you have it – what kind of party planner are you? Apply the rules that most suit you and I’m pretty sure your kid will have a great party that even mama will enjoy.

So we finally bit the bullet and are moving house. The thought of it is overwhelming – so much crap to be sorted, packed or purged. With six kids, I know you can imagine just how much crap we’re talking here. Adding further stress is the prospect of making our current house look nice enough that some other family will want to buy it.

Getting our house sale-ready will be a big job. My kids have left their marks – on the walls, carpets, curtains and pretty much everywhere else. In addition to the cosmetic issues, we don’t really use our house in the traditional way. My dining room has been transformed into a children’s study, and the kids’ dressers are in the hallway to make way for all the beds that need to fit in the bedrooms. In short, there is a house staging expert out there who is going to make a lot of coin out of me.

We told the kids about the move and they generally greeted the news well. We’re only moving up the street to a house on a court with some more square footage.

The four-year-old was most reluctant. After some discussion, I realized that she didn’t understand what a move meant. Turns out she didn’t want to move because she would miss her bike. I explained that all our crap was coming along with us and she went through the house item by item for confirmation that it would be coming along. Yes darling, even the plates are coming with us.

So I thought she got it: we bring our stuff with us; they take their stuff when they leave.

The day came when we were able to take the children through the new house. Thumbs up all around. The sellers are empty nesters who seemed thrilled that their house would once again be alive with the energy of small children.

After having a good look around the new digs, I noticed the four-year-old had a little worried look on her face. I asked her what she thought of the new house to which she replied:

“I like it, but there’s one problem: NO TOYS!”

I’m now thinking this move is going to take more patience than I originally anticipated.

As all you mamas know, once one kid is down, it’s just a matter of time before they all start dropping like flies. I’ve got a lot of flies, so things can drag on for quite some time. In fact, with so many flies, the whole little germ fest tends to recycle and the first kid who brought it into the house is starting round two of something while the last kid is just heading into recovery mode. It’s like a twisted game of germ tag.

So what was wrong with them? We probably had a bit of swine flu love, but it was nothing more than what seems to be regular winter germ fare – fevers, sore throats, coughs. I didn’t feel it was necessary to drag them to the doctor only to be told to get their germs out of her office and back home because they have the flu. Did I vaccinate them? Nah, waiting in line for five hours with six kids sounds more hideous than H1N1 itself.

Everyone ended up missing out on a few days of school and activities. Once things seemed to perk up they were back in action – a little case of the sniffles does not warrant a sick day around my place. They’re well versed on keeping their green bits to themselves and I’d never put them back into circulation if they posed a risk to their friends.

We seem to be nearing the end of the first round of this nonsense and my overall assessment of sick round #1 for this season is a mark of B+. Marks got docked because baby ended up in ER on Ventolin. We gained marks back because we got through it without any pukers, and most importantly mama didn’t get sick! As long as mama doesn’t get it, we’re golden. Once I go down, it’s all over, red rover.

Two particular quotes indicated we were nearing the end of round one:

1) 6-year-old who had spent a few days frequenting “the loo” called me over to the toilet to do an inspection and announced “Look! I think my poop is feeling better!”
2) 3-year-old whose nose resembled a leaky tap for several days said “Mama, my nose has gone quiet!”

So come on round two, we’re ready for ya – we’ve got immune systems and we ain’t afraid to use ‘em!

We can all give in little ways that make a huge difference. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t want their children to be kind and generous people who grow up with a desire to make contributions. There is no question that the best way to teach kids is through role modeling. At Mabel’s Labels we wanted our work lives to reflect that value, so over a year ago we started a Community Relations Committee. We recently had a look at what we have accomplished and it left us with a decent case of the warm fuzzies.

The round up:

- Partnered with a camp for children who are burn victims;
- In celebration of International Women’s Day, donations were made to the young mothers at St. Martin’s Manor;
- Staff volunteered at an Eco-Festival to celebrate Earth Day;
- Gift wrapping – staff volunteered in the holiday season to raise money for local hospital;
- Food bank food drive – Mabel’s Labels had an interdepartmental competition;
- Product donation to group home for developmentally disabled adolescents;
- Portion of holiday product sales used to sponsor families through the holiday season;
- Countless gift certificates donated to charity organizations to use as door prize and silent auction items.

I’m pretty excited to be working with a bunch of folks who think this stuff is important – makes us feel even more like a team and has the added benefit of showing our children that involvement in the community matters.

So I’m happy with how that lesson is being taught through what I do at work, but I got to thinking about what we are doing at home and also feel pretty OK about our efforts:

- Each week the big kiddos donate a portion of their allowance towards a charity or cause;

- Our family sponsors a child in another country. The kiddos have learned to sacrifice some of their ‘wants’ so that we are able to support our sponsored child’s needs;

- The kiddos participate in community projects. Just recently we did a clean up day with daddy-o’s company and all kids, big and small, contributed. OK, so maybe the baby just sat in the stroller and “supervised”.

What do you do, either at work or home, that helps to spread the love? Let us know because we’re always looking for fun and fresh ideas on how we can help in little ways around here.

I’m not a fun person. Let me qualify that – I’m not fun in the traditional sense.

I don’t dress up for Hallowe’en and I have never met an April Fools Day prank that I didn’t think was stupid. When people send me funny jokes by e-mail, the joke gets deleted immediately and the sender receives a message requesting removal from the group list since I have no time for such nonsense. There is a long list of things that prove that I’m not a fun person.

So imagine the surprise my neighbours got this Hallowe’en when I was trick or treating with the kiddos while carrying the baby in the sling – they’d ask to have a peek at wee Finian so I’d pull down the sling to expose this:

OK, so maybe I’m not fun – just a little weird. But mamas can go a bit crazy on Hallowe’en too. This is my friend Astrid when she was expecting her daughter. I’m happy to report that baby Harper is much cuter than the alien shown here:

I have people send me this link regularly: Jason McElwain Autistic Basketball Player

I’m always so chuffed when people take the time to forward something that might be of interest to me. Have a look – this clip is a beauty. A lovely teenager with autism gets his chance on the basketball court and absolutely shines – elevated to hero status by his supportive peers cheering him on. It is truly moving.

It also annoys the crap out of me.

When I see this clip, it makes me want to scream “So what? You think the only thing a kid with autism can do is fetch water for the team?” Why, oh why, did it take so long to get that kid on the court? Why, oh why, is there such shock that he can actually play well?

I think a part of it is that a lot of assumptions are made about children with autism, the most popular being that children with autism have learning disabilities. Nowhere in the diagnostic criteria for autism is there mention of learning disabilities. Basically, if a child with autism appears to be LD, chances are the professional team needs to shape up and find more effective teaching strategies. So, it’s time to stop being shocked when you meet a kid with autism who is “smart” (whatever that means). There is no reason for that kid not to be.

I’d be fine if my kid had LDs, just so happens he dodged that bullet. But either way – autism or LDs, I’d expect him to have a shot at being on the basketball team. My kid is doing the regular Gr. 5 curriculum. He started French Immersion this year, is a helpful big brother, has fun with his friends, goes to Cub Scouts, loves the ‘Bone’ books, has a growing RESP for university, drives me crazy on his Nintendo and plays an awesome game of hockey. Note that water boy duties do not make the list. I do recognize that the kid in the video gained a lot from his role as team “manager” – it provided him with the opportunity to be involved and feel a part of the team. But there’s a lesson to be learned here about expectations. Let’s set them high, folks.

I don’t want to take away from the awesomeness of this clip – the community spirit and the raw support for this kid is out of this world. I really did cry….moments before I got a little annoyed.

Last week on October 15th, many mamas were lighting candles in remembrance. That day has been designated as National Pregnancy Loss & Infant Loss Awareness Day.

I had a miscarriage soon after my first child was born. My loss was accompanied with some guilt too – finding out I was pregnant while having a newborn left me horrified. I quickly adjusted to the thought of my “Irish Twins” and was devastated when I miscarried. Then came the guilt – how could I have initially greeted this pregnancy with such little enthusiasm? Guilt and being a mama – a match made in hell.

Almost 10 years has passed since that time but there are two occasions when I am particularly reminded about it:

1) When I see my friend who had a similar due date. Her little girl will be turning nine-years-old next month. I should have someone turning nine next month.
2) When filling out the paperwork in subsequent pregnancies, you are required to record how many live births you have had, and also how many pregnancies. My numbers don’t match. I get shivers thinking about the mamas out there whose numbers REALLY don’t add up, and by a long shot. Just can’t imagine having to write down: pregnancies: 8 / live births: 0

I often think about the mamas who have lost full-term babies or babies during the first year of life. I wonder what happens when they are innocently asked “so, how many kids do you have?”

I think that must be a torturous question – the answer could either make you feel you are not acknowledging your lost child, or alternatively, you have to explain the painful experience to every stranger who is making small talk.

I had a teacher in high school who was raising two daughters, five years apart in age. She had lost her middle daughter, who was severely disabled, after several years of caring for her three girls. She often had people comment to her: “two kids, five years apart in age – what an easy way to do it!”

Little did they know.

I hope that this Day of Remembrance tells the world that mama is entitled to her grief – no matter what form it takes or how long it lasts, which is often a lifetime. So, on this day let us remember our losses. In some ways for many mamas, it is a day like no other – a day that we love and miss our children.

I was miraculously alone in my car the other day tuned into CBC, hoping to catch the dreamy voice of long- time crush, Jian Ghomeshi.

Being interviewed was Shane Earle, Mount Cashel Orphanage survivor. Something he said really resonated with me: the way we live each day as an adult is a constant reaction to how we were treated as a child.

That really spoke to me – although the majority of our years are spent as an adult, those childhood years are with us always. We carry those around with us day in and day out. Sadly, the weight of those years can be very heavy for some people.

I want the weight of their childhood years to be very light for my adult children. It got me to thinking – how am I treating my children to contribute to them being at peace as adults? I started a mental list and will share two simple ways that I think are significant. They are both little things that I hope make my kids feel like they are the top dogs in my life. Here are my two bits of advice:

1) Be excited to see them.
Whether the kids are walking in from school or I’m picking them up from Cubs, I always look ridiculously excited to see them. Sometimes I have to fake it – sometimes I wish they were gone for another hour, but they don’t need to know that. I vividly remember my own mom’s face every time we came home from school. She looked as though she was eagerly waiting to be re-united with us. Man, it made me feel good.

2) Don’t be late picking them up.
It is a very rare occasion that I would be even a couple of minutes late to pick up my kids. I feel like being late is sending them a message: I was so preoccupied with my work or other activity that I forgot about you. Being on time tells them that they are my first priority.

Sure, they are small, but as a child those things made me feel really valued. And as Shane Earle said, how we are treated as a child has a tremendous impact on our adult lives. I hope those little things will give them confidence and they will go into adulthood knowing their worth.

So, how do you treat your kiddos? What tips and tricks do you have to help lighten the load for your adult children?

I have wrapped up my maternity leave and am now enjoying my official Mabel duties. One of these duties includes overseeing the Sales Department, which is kind of funny since I almost killed a sales guy this week.

The other evening I was nagged by the sound of a faint knock at our door. I was just starting all the bedtime routines and it was a particularly challenging evening since daddy-o was out of town.

I ignored the nagging knocking as long as possible then finally opened the door. There he was – persistent Sales Guy. He was quick to mention that he didn’t ring the doorbell because it was obvious I had small kids. Pretty observant considering he had to make his way through an obstacle course of strollers, bikes and ride on toys. When he did make it to the front door he was greeted by a poster that says “shhhh…children sleeping”. All that kiddo evidence stopped him from ringing, though it obviously didn’t act as a deterrent from knocking.

A moment after I opened the door, out came the pitch. As he’s yammering on, I’m jiggling a fussy baby, a toddler is yelling from the toilet demanding a bum wipe, big kids are fighting and a little kid is tugging on my leg with pajamas half on. Sales Guy did not take any of that chaos as his cue to bail. Finally I interrupted him.

Me: “Hang on a sec – don’t you see what is going on here? Can’t you see that this is a completely inappropriate time to come to my door? Look around! I can’t even hear a word that you are saying!”

Sales guy: “yes, that’s true. Is there a better time for you?”

Me “yes, come back in spring of 2015 – maybe around dinner time”

Sales guy: “uh, OK”

This incident reminded me of another sales experience I had in spring of 2005. One evening I was alone with three crazy small children and a week away from having baby #4. A young guy came to the front door representing a local golf club. He began his pitch which included however many rounds of golf for one very low price. I gave him a stern look and said something along the lines of:

“Listen here young golf man: no one, and I mean NO ONE in this house is playing golf this summer. You got that? So why don’t you just mosey on along now and we’ll pretend this never happened.”

He looked at me like I was a completely hormonal psycho mama, and that was a pretty accurate assessment. So, now that I’m back at work and looking at our Sales Department, I can tell you with great confidence that you will never hear from anyone at Mabel’s Labels during feeding, bathing, or bedtime at your zoo. Promise. Pinky swear.

My twin girls jut turned one and in the stress of planning the best party for them I wanted to make sure that I would capture every moment for them so that once they were old enough to actually appreciate that special day; they would be able to do so.  I am a photography nut. I think everything is worth capturing on film so I was worried about enjoying the party and taking pictures at the same time.  

That’s when I decided to hire Jen from Jenny B photography: http://www.jennybphotography.blogspot.com/ . 

She showed up at the party ½ an hour early as planned and took some family portraits.  She then spent the next few hours documenting everything that went on at the party.  That very night, she had a few sample pictures posted on her website for us to look at!  They had already been edited and Jen even added some special effects to some of the photos!

Included in her package was 40 photos touched up and edited as well as a disk that she was going to send to me with all of the photos on so that you can have them all printed on your own.It is so nice to be able to sit back now and go through all of the pictures and be able to see how all of my hard work paid off. I loved seeing the pictures of the kids having fun and all the moments that I missed as I was busy being social, thanks to Jen! Jen did such a great job. 

I highly recommend her to anyone whose celebrating a special milestone in their life- and let’s be honest, we want to document each moment - we just don’t have the time to do it all!

Thanks to her I was able to enjoy the party knowing everything was being captured for me, or shall I say my little 1 year old girls to cherish.

http://www.jennybphotography.blogspot.com/